A little knowledge is a dangerous thing...

Sy loves quizzes.

Mastermind and University Challenge have him rubbing his hands with glee, as does the arrival of a new soduko book or, can you believe, the quiz pages in 'The Lady'(??!)

His absolute favourite though, is The Pub Quiz.



There is a yearly one at our local- a grand affair with about twenty teams taking part- and we have won it three times in the last five years.


I use the term 'we' very loosely, as i have the knowledge of a mentally unstable gnat- it's Sy that seems to know all the answers.


Seriously, percentage wise, we are looking at him answering about 98% of the questions.






I answer the 'music from the seventies and eighties' section and the odd obscure one ( name Rigsby's cat in Rising Damp..)



We can usually rope in a couple of friends to make up the numbers, but the evening will normally end up with three of us getting pissed and one other (guess who) still quizzing and writing all the answers down too-It is the one occasion he will. not. drink.








I had a phone call a couple of nights ago, from the pub, asking for the shield back, for this years quiz.



'And will you be entering a team this year?'









'No, we aren't allowed to anymore. We've won too many times '(absolutely true.)



'Well, we will need your team name from when you won last year to add to the shield.' (things happen really slow around here...)


'I'm afraid i can't remember it (true again)...'



'Shall we make something up for you?'



I started laughing at this, as we tend to make our quiz names as fun as possible...The year before last we were 'Alex Nas'.



Think about it.



And it is still on the quiz shield, for all to see.






I finished the conversation spluttering something about not worrying about a team name for last year, and to leave the shield blank- conspicuous by our absense sort of thing.


I thought that was for the best, as out of the corner of my eye, i could see that Sy had already started writing down anagrams for 'The Sheep Shaggers'.


You win some, you lose some...


'Till next time,


Shakespeare's Housekeeper xx

I like driving in my car....

..well, i have to really, as i don't trust Sy to drive at all.



His driving has to be the worst i've ever experienced. Really.



Now, i'm not saying mine is perfect (too right woman, i hear you men scream), but as the daughter of a coach driver, who drove various vehicles over many years and passed all his driving tests the first time, i can safely say i had The Best Teacher.



'Always use your mirrerrs'

'why can't i look over my shoulder?'

'Because you'll get a crick in yer neck, yer silly bugger.'

'But the driving instructor said..'

'Tek no notice of 'em...they teach yer how to pass a test, not how to drive.'



Now, you have to bear in mind that we live in a very rural area.

Single track roads, lots of floods and unexpected sharp corners.

When Sy moved in he had possession of a nifty little black sports car.



'That'll be no good round here,' i informed him.

'But it's great for nipping around in!' he exclaimed.

'Exactly how much 'nipping' do you expect to do living here... i'd trade it in for a landrover if i were you.'



Sy was non to pleased with this exchange.

Time would tell.

The first thing he encountered while spinning down a counrty lane was one of the local girls walking her sheep.

I don't mean a flock of sheep, with a dog and everything. Far to normal.

A flock of sheep, on leads, taking up half the road.



'Sprouty, i nearly had a dreadful accident..'

'What did you come across, the sheep, combine harvester or the mums on the school run?

'The sheep...they were everywhere, even though they were all on leads.'

'Well slow down then.'



I think Sy's driving is inherited from his dad. His dad taught him, and his driving is just as crap.

It's city living. Driving is very different in the cities to driving out here.



Definition of city driving;

Drive as fast as you can, brake fast and hard, make sure you have full use of hands for rude gestures at other drivers who don't get off roundabouts fast enough.



Definition of country driving;

Drive slowly, take bends in second gear, have full use of hands to wave at all neighbours and farmers.



If, and it's a big if, Sy drives, i absolutely know for sure, that he isn't concentrating.

He will be thinking about whatever it is he is writing about.

One of the last times we had to get petrol, all he had to do was put the petrol into the car. Nothing else.

1; get out of car.

2; open fuel cap.

3; take off petrol cap.

4; Put fuel in.

5; put petrol cap back on.

6; shut fuel cap.

7; get back into car.

He decided that points 5 and 6 weren't worth bothering with...



Still, i'm grateful that he works from home, for the time being.

I can't begin to imagine what the insurers would say if he told them he'd had an accident involving a flock of sheep on leads...



Till next time,

Shakespeare's Housekeeper xx