Thursday, 11 December 2008

Why The Writer drinks and i don't.

Massively busy week.

Although i'm sure there are women all over the globe up to their eyes in it at the moment.

One of my ladies is in hospital and it's looking a bit on the black side for her....Broken elbow has turned into being fluid on the lungs and no mobility at at all, so lot's of hospital visits.

Another one has a husband with Alzheimers, so i'm trying to keep an eye on them too.

There's more to being a housekeeper than you think.

Christmas shopping, presents, decorations, family visits...the list goes on.

But i have parties this week.

In fact, i have one this afternoon.

But it's the one i had two days ago that concerns me.

Because i can't remember an awful lot about it.

Indeed, whereas in younger days, memories would come back in dribs and drabs, like some kind of daytime knightmare, and i would just have to cope with each horrific thought as it smashed through my head, these days i have to rely on others to fill in the blanks.

And all this because i chose to have a drink.

There is a group of ladies that meet up once a month where i live- a bit like a WI, but without the jam and Jerusalem.

There are about thirty of them, and i would say about 90% have lived in the area only for a few years.

Now, i have valiantly tried to avoid getting involved with this group, as i'm not terribly keen on the whole 'My house is bigger than your's' thing.

But i have finally been cornered, asked to join ('We need new blood...' bloody cheek) and so off i went to the grand Christmas Dinner at the new village hall on Tuesday night.

The wine was free.

Loads of it.

and i seemed to be the only one drinking the bottles of white.

Maybe i was the only one drinking...

The Piscean in me took over, and i went for it.

There are only two things that i can remember from the night.

1. Discussing last years Father Christmas (of course, i wasn't there, but i know him, he's a bloody good looking bloke- if only i'd joined this group earlier...)

I wanted to know why we weren't having the same fella this year (apparently he was just to scared to come again).

2;I remember the new Father Christmas coming in, and recognising him at once.

He doesn't like windfarms, and as you lovely readers know, Sy and me are all for them, and there is a big hoo-ha going on about the plans for ten of them being built around here.

Well, with copius amounts of the vino on board i took it on myself to make him as uncomfortable as possible.

I didn't want to wait for my turn in the queue, so i staggered over to him, shoved the woman who was sat on his knee off, sat on him, and told him i wanted a huge wind turbine for Christmas.

I think it all went a bit quiet at this point.

'Why don't you have a dig in my sack?' he mumbled.

'And why would i want to do that?' says me.

'I don't think i can get you a turbine..'He wheezed (well, i was still bouncing on his knee).

'Well, you're not much of a bloody Santa are you? The least you could have done is set up in the sideroom, and i'm sure all of us would have paid good money to have a lapland dance from you.'

I wonder if i'm onto something there...?

I was smartly tipped off his knee, resumed my seat, and had a small round of applause off my fellow wind turbine supporters (we have to sit together- safety in numbers.)

I'm hoping over the next few days friends will come and tell me about the rest of the night.

Once i've been the topic of gossip for a day or two anyway.

And no, i'm not drinking this afternoon...

This one is for you Charmaine!

Till next time,

Shakespeare's Housekeeper. x


  1. Ha ha ha ha.


    Ha ha ha ha.

    You are my hero.

    Since my rapid onset, and more then a little traumatizing, menopause I cannot resist the temptation to say EXACTLY what I think, despite the consequences.

    After learning that the CFO of my company was secretly listening in on the conversations of the Plebs and then escalating what she learned to our President, I marched into her office and said; "Barb, you are a ratfink". I further inquired, "Show me where in the description of Chief Financial Officer where is mentions "Must be a ratfink"?

    Two days later I was looking for a job.

    I am not ashamed. I am proud. But my timing was a little off.

    I don't mind this. But as a result I had to fire my housekeeper who kept my life in order and earned more per hour then I did. do you clean houses anyway?

    hee hee

    Great post.

    PS: Having difficulty posting a comment here.

  2. Hello Anonymous!
    Thanks for your comment- maybe it's not just the you say, maybe it's being of a certain age!
    Hope you can keep posting...i checked my settings and it does allow anonymous users to comment.
    You've got me worried now!
    SH xx

  3. Hey there, Anonymous is really Charmaine. I don't know why it tagged me as anonymous? hmmmm. I did not inherit a techno savvy gene. Not one. Nope.

  4. I recognized you right away Charmaine. The inability to keep our mouth's shut when it is wise, seems to run in our family. THe things I say when sober are usually worse than the others. Go figure!


Your words are every bit as important as Mr Shakespeares.
Put some of them together, and leave me a comment...but don't worry if it takes me a few days to get round to reading them- i have nine jobs and a writer who needs me!

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