I've done two things this week for the first time ever.
1; I went to see a comedian in a theatre.
2; I visited a Waitrose.
Now, going to see a comedian probably wouldn't have happened if it were not for the generosity of the comedians wife, who got me and Sy comp tickets.
If you haven't had a chance to see Rich Hall outside QI, Never Mind The Buzzcocks or his fishing programme, then find the time to go and see him live.
Very funny and very sweary (that's a word where i live.)
Saying hello to him after the gig, i told him i was a comedy virgin.
I can't print the reply.
Ahh, Waitrose, Waitrose, Waitrose.
I have found Nirvana, and it sits at the top of a multi-storey carpark in Cheltenham.
My pal Caz has a vegetarian hubby. If it were not for the fact that our hubbies are in a band together, we no doubt would have found each other on some 'What do you feed your vegeterian husband' website.
Sy has been veggie for about four years now, and i miss him eating meat. Is that really selfish of me?
When we used to go out for meals, we would dribble over the menus, wondering which steak to have, or did i think he could manage a mixed grill?
I miss that.
Now when we go out, i'm left to dribble on my own, as he peruses pasta dishes and asks the waitresses what they have in the kitchen ''that hasn't got a face.'
I would have thought there wouldn't be a face on anything much by the time it reached the table.
But i digress (word of the day.)
Caz told me, that Waitrose does a fine choice in veggie meals. And indeed it does.
So, yesterday morning, off we went to visit the mother of all food stores, to stock up for our respective men.
Yes, we got the veggie food.
Yes we got a very nice breakfast (served by a woman looking so immaculate that i thought it should be me serving her...very surreal.)
Yes, there was even a car park attendant to keep an eye on your car while you were shopping.
The sign above the doors stated that you had up to three hours parking. I pointed this out to Caz and laughingly said who could possibly take three hours to do their shopping?
But i didn't know about the hardware and home furnishing section.
Oh. My God.
I could live there.
I honestly could. If Sy ever tells me to sling my hook, i won't bother staying on a friends settee, no siree- it's straight of the home furnishing section of Waitrose.
First, we stroked sheepskin rugs. We moved onto curtains and took apart a display, so that Caz could find out if an oversized bedspread would fit on her settee.
We then put the display back together again, much to the amusement of fellow shoppers.
I still think it looked better than the one the staff had done.
We picked up vases, glasses, bowls, plates, teapots, toasters. And put them all down again.
We played with all the touch sensitive lights, and i nearly blinded Caz by switching on a neon light, just as she was staring into it to see how it worked.
We opened and closed all the fridge and feezer doors (because we can, that's why.)
And finished off with a tour of the television section, and complained very loudly about how the pictures were really crap close up.
By the time we got back to the car, we found that we had been in Waitrose for three hours and twenty two minutes.
It must be an age thing. I got the same buzz visiting Waitrose as i did visiting Alton Towers for the first time, twenty-five years ago.
And Sy loved his veggie food.
'When are you going again Sprouty?'
I looked at my watch.
'Give it an hour or so.....'
Till next time,
Shakespeare's Housekeeper xx
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